family court Archives - Stephanie Dew Law

Parental Alienation, children, separated parents, family law, child arrangements, single mum, single dad, coparenting, family, court, alienation

Parental Alienation – What If My Child Or Ex-Partner Makes A False Allegation Against Me?

Historically, professionals tended to automatically believe any allegations made by children which puts the victims of parental alienation at risk of domestic abuse and child abuse allegations. In many situations where a child makes an allegation the police and social services become involved, simply their involvement and ongoing investigations appearing to give credibility to the false allegations and often resulting in long periods where no contact takes place which further entrenches the alienation. Simply the existence of an allegation can result in the accused being subject to bail conditions along with family court injunctions which prevent them having any contact with their children. It is therefore crucial that you seek early advice from a solicitor experienced in both family and criminal investigations. Fortunately it is becoming more and more recognised that children can and are sometimes manipulated by their parents which enables those allegations to be challenged.

Simultaneous Family Proceedings And Criminal Investigations

Where serious allegations are made against the non-resident parent about their child this will most likely result in not only family court proceedings but also a police investigation. An allegation can be made by a child, another parent or a third party. In this case it is crucial that you speak to a solicitor with experience of both family and criminal proceedings without delay. Investigations by children’s services and the police will take time, it is not uncommon for a parent to be left in limbo for many months waiting for decisions to be made by the police and CPS in relation to whether to charge that parent with an offence. In the meantime it is likely their contact with their child will be suspended or severely restricted which is likely to damage their relationship in the long term.

Will There Be A Fact Finding?

Where a child or third party has made serious allegations against a parent which have resulted in a criminal investigation, it is likely that a “fact-finding hearing” in the family court will be necessary. It is not necessary to wait to the conclusion of a criminal investigation for this issue to be addressed in the family court.

Where there is a parallel criminal investigation and a family fact-finding hearing is necessary, disclosure will take place between the police investigation and family proceedings. This can assist the family proceedings as the police may have material which the parties do not have in their possession, such as records relating to previous police involvement with the family, previous allegations or investigations by the police or social services which may have resulted in no action being taken.

A judgment made by the Judge at the conclusion of a fact finding hearing which exonerates a parent who has faced allegations can be provided to the police or CPS which will be taken into consideration when they are reviewing whether to prosecute a matter.

Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you.

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What Can The Court Do About Parental Alienation?

What can the Court do about Parental Alienation?

The starting point for the family court is that a child should be allowed to have a loving relationship with both parents and that is almost always in the best interests of the child. Only in exceptional circumstances should contact with a parent be terminated. As far as it is possible, family law judges are required to promote positive contact between parents and children and stopping contact will only ever be a last resort.

If contact between a child and a parent has been stopped without good reason, the court will want to resolve the matter and find out what has happened with a view to restarting contact because research has shown there can be lasting emotional and psychological harm to children who are the subject of parental alienation.

Each case of parental alienation is different, the court will look at the unique circumstances of the individual child when deciding how best to deal with the matter. The courts usually place some weight upon the wishes and feeling of the child involved in the family law proceedings. The level of weight usually corresponds with the child’s age and ability to engage in the process. This is often a real concern for alienated parents who are worried that the family judge will refuse contact because of the wishes of the alienated child.

What Orders can the Family Court make?

The family court has extensive powers, what is suitable will depend on the circumstances of the individual case.

The orders the court can make include:

Order for contact.
Attaching a penal notice to a child arrangement order warning a parent that they may be fined or sent to prison if they do not comply.
Change the child’s primary residence from one parent to the other.
Involve the local authority which may lead to care proceedings.
Order that the child be separately or independently represented in the court proceedings.
Order an expert assessment by a social worker, psychiatrist or psychologist.
Request that therapeutic work take place for either or both of the parents, the child or the whole family.
Send a non-compliant parent to prison.

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What Should I Do About Parental Alienation?

If you have concerns that your child is the victim of parental alienation you should seek legal advice from a solicitor with experience in this area as soon as you can. It is important that steps are taken to identify any concerning behaviour as soon as possible in order to minimise the damage to the parental child relationship. If parental alienation is allowed to continue unchallenged, it can result in a complete breakdown of the relationship which may mean that the alienated parent may no longer play a role in their child’s life.

How the behaviour is dealt with needs to be addressed carefully, often when the topic of alienation is raised it can cause the alienating parent’s position to become more entrenched. If a child feels that they are being forced into a relationship against their will this can escalate the problem, confirming to them that the relationship is negative. It is important that careful consideration is given as to how to deal with the concerns to avoid escalating the situation.

It is important to remember that just because your child shows some behaviour typical of alienation, this does not automatically mean it is because they have been or are being alienated. Children are fickle and emotionally immature at the best of times. Dealing with their parents’ separation is difficult, they will be stubborn and behave in challenging and unpleasant ways. It is normal for children to play parents off against one another, they will at times choose a favourite parent and will of course express their own views about what they want to do and where they want to be.

How you and the other parent deal with these issues is key to finding a path to effective co-parenting. Relationship breakdowns are difficult for all involved, and a great deal of effort is required from all adults involved from the outset to successfully get contact arrangements underway. If your child is expressing a reluctance to separate from one parent to spend time with another, the reasons for this should be explored and support put in place to support your child addressing any worries they have. If you are told by the other parent that the children don’t want to spend time with you as you would like, first try and find out why and discuss any concerns that are raised. It may be that some small steps and adjustments could alleviate some concerns so that contact arrangements can get underway and start moving forward. Be cautious about raising an allegation of “parental alienation” with the other parent, it is extremely unlikely they will accept this is the case, rather they will feel that you are calling them a bad parent and this is more likely to entrench their position.

If you are being told your child doesn’t want to spend the night at your new home, then you kicking up a fuss and demanding that they come for a whole weekend is unlikely to resolve the problem and can potentially mean that you miss out on spending any time with your child. The initial period following separation is disruptive and full of anxiety for the whole family. You need to think flexibly, particularly during the early stages to get arrangements underway. Whilst everyone adjusts, your child may find shorter, more regular periods of time with you easier than the prospect of a long period of time away from the other parent, particularly if the other parent has been their main carer. Be creative and flexible with the arrangements, there will be a period of adjustment for everyone. Do not feel that if you are seeking a 50:50 shared care arrangement that you must put this in place immediately, that is often an unrealistic goal. Whilst you can make your long-term objective clear to the other parent, it is crucial that the children (and parents) are given time to adjust to all the changes that are taking place within their family. If there is a dispute about the child arrangements this can be dealt with by the family court, however this will take some time to resolve. In the meantime it is best to ensure you have a positive relationship with your child, that you see them regularly and enjoy your time together even if it is not on the terms that you would ideally have in place.

It may be however that your situation is already incredibly difficult, that the time for flexibility and discussions has long passed and that you are actively being prevented from having a relationship with your child. In that case it is crucial that you seek advice from a solicitor who is experienced in parental alienation as it is likely that an application to the Court for a Child Arrangement Order will be necessary. Your solicitor will be able to confirm whether in their professional opinion your child is being exposed to alienating behaviours and guidance as to how this should be addressed. I will deal with what action the Court can take in my next blog.

Parental Alienation, children, separated parents, family law, child arrangements, single mum, single dad, coparenting, family, court, alienation

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a controversial subject. There is no official legal definition of parental alienation and the idea is often dismissed by professionals. However, it is not uncommon for a parent to feel that their ex is not supportive of their ongoing relationship with their child. If you are alienated parent you are likely to feel that your child has been “turned against you”. Parental alienation is the concept of a child rejecting a parent with whom they previously had a positive relationship. This happens through no fault of that parent or the child and seemingly without any good reason.

Cafcass definition of Parental Alienation:

Cafcass defines parental alienation as follows:

“When a child’s resistance or hostility towards one parent is not justified and is the result of psychological manipulation by the other parent”

Alienation can happen unintentionally and is therefore not a straightforward issue to address. In some cases one parent may try to intentionally exclude or alienate the other parent from their child’s life. This could be as part of a vendetta or to seek revenge. It is common for the alienation to be unconscious or unintentional. The alienating parent often does not recognise their behaviour and will deny it. There are many reasons alienation can happen. For example, the alienating parent may be struggling with their own relationship with their ex which is preventing them from being able to support their children’s relationship with that parent. Alternatively, the alienator may feel they are doing the best for their child, by protecting them or promoting their wishes and feelings.

What are the Signs of Parental Alienation:

There are many signs of alienation, the obvious one is the other parent refusing to let you see your child. There are however other indicators and you should bear in mind that it alienation can be a gradual process.

Parental Alienation: Things to look out for:

The other parent agreeing on the face of it for regular contact to take place, but then placing unreasonable conditions on the arrangements which makes it impossible for it to go ahead.
The other parent taking extreme control in relation to the contact arrangements. They dictate where you can spend time with your child, what you can do, what your child eats and drinks etc. The other parent may insist on always being present.
Your child always seeming to have other things scheduled that they need to do which clash with your contact meaning it can’t go ahead.
The other parent not sharing information with you about your child. They may refuse to pass on news about what your child has been doing, new likes and dislikes, what to get them for birthdays or Christmas etc.
The other parent is not encouraging and supporting your child to spend time with you.
The other parent makes negative comments about you to the child or when the child can overhear. They may make the child feel that you do not care about them and do not want to spend time with them.
The child is made to feel guilty when they spend time with you. Your child may not want to bring items back to their other home or not want to share positive stories with the other parent about what you have done together.
Your child is becoming withdrawn from you, they are distant and no longer share with you.
Your child expresses a reluctance to see you or refuses to see you without a clear reason.
Your child is making unfounded allegations against you.
Your child has a black and white view of their parents, one is good, the other is bad.

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How do I choose a divorce lawyer?

Choosing the right solicitor for your case is absolutely crucial. Divorce is a stressful and expensive experience and you need to ensure that you have a solicitor who provides sound legal advice and will be supportive throughout the process.

Cost will be a major consideration when deciding who you want to work with. Legal fees are expensive and charges will vary depending on the solicitor’s experience and location. Whilst some providers offer a fixed fee for undertaking straightforward elements of the case (like preparing the divorce application), most contentious work is charged for at the solicitor’s hourly rate and the amount of time it takes them.

Whilst cost is a big consideration, you should not just be lead by price alone but find the person who is the right fit for your case.

If your divorce is complicated you should consider working with a more senior solicitor, someone who is more experienced. Although their hourly rate will be higher than a more junior solicitor their experience means that they will take a strong lead on your case with less chances of delays and problems occurring.

If you have a straightforward matter you probably don’t need to instruct a solicitor with 20+ years experience and the matching hefty hourly rate.

It is not uncommon for clients to feel extremely angry and hurt when they first instruct their solicitor. Often they are furious and with their ex-partner and want to “make them pay” or “take them to the cleaners”. It is rare that conducting a case in such a way will benefit you, whilst you may get some early satisfaction at the outset conducting the matter in such a way, it is usually much better overall to resolve the separation as quickly and painlessly as possible with minimal costs. Finding a solicitor who you can trust to explain your options and guide you through that process is crucial.

When choosing your solicitor it is really important that you build a good rapport with them. Make sure when you first meet them or speak to them that you feel comfortable with them or you may find it difficult to work with them going forward. You will have to share a lot of personal information with this person and there may be some really difficult conversations along the way so having a good working relationship is crucial.

It is worth investing some time to find the right solicitor for you at the outset of your matter. If you have doubts, speak to another solicitor and see if they feel like a better fit. It can be expensive to change solicitors during the divorce process so it is best to make sure you have the right person from the beginning. A lot of solicitors offer a reduced fee or a free initial meeting or telephone call. You can usually tell quite quickly when speaking to someone if you think you will be able to work with them. They will also want to ascertain that you are the right client for them and make sure they can help you.

Remember the role of your solicitor is to provide you with legal advice, to explain your rights and obligations and guide you through that process. In most cases you will also benefit from support from a counsellor and of course also from your friends and family. Divorce is a traumatic and stressful life event. Consider using a trained counsellor help you work through the emotional side of things and support you with issues you may have with your ex-partner such as anger or mistrust. Make sure you are only paying your solicitor for their legal expertise and that you are seeking emotional support from others.

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Understanding the Divorce Process – The 3 elements to a divorce

There are three elements to the divorce process:

1. Dissolution of the marriage

This is the legal process to formally end the marriage. It includes filing a divorce application, obtaining a Conditional Order and then a Final Order. (Formerly known as Decree Nisi and Decree Absolute).

2. Childcare arrangements

If you have children then you will need to make arrangements on how you will co-parent them. Ideally you will make these arrangements informally between yourselves without the involvement of solicitors. If you are finding it difficult to discuss the arrangements with your ex-partner the use of a professional mediator may assist you in moving things forward. If an agreement can be reached should record this in a parenting plan so it is clear what has been agreed. This should reduce the scope for disagreements later. If arrangements for your children cannot be agreed you should seek legal advice about applying to the court for a child arrangement order.

3. Financial arrangements

This tends to be the most difficult part of the divorce process and will require some input from a legal professional. If possible, you and your partner should try and reach an agreement as to how you will divide your assets, debts and pensions and where you will both live. If you can’t reach an agreement yourselves you should instruct an independent mediator to help you reach an agreement. In order to be legally binding this agreement needs to be formally recorded in a court order called a “Consent Order”, you will need a solicitor to prepare this document and you should both have independent legal advice about the order.

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What are my common law marriage rights?

None!

This is one of the biggest family law myths in England and Wales, common law marriage does not exist in this jurisdiction.

Unless you are married or in a civil partnership, legally, with a certificate to prove it, you will not benefit from the statutory protection divorce law offers divorcing couples.

Cohabiting couple families are the fastest growing family type in the UK, however as a family lawyer, I have real concerns about the lack of statutory protection available for these families when relationships end. Divorce law gives the family court the power to redistribute assets in accordance with fairness and each party’s financial need, however, cohabitant’s have none of this protection.

Legal Remedies for Cohabiting Couples

The law for unmarried couples is messy. There are some remedies available, however, they were not drafted with families in mind and are far from ideal.

Family Home

If you are purchasing a property with your partner you should do so following advice from a solicitor which reflects each of your legal interest in the property. Cohabitation agreements and declarations of trust in relation to properties and assets are something you should consider.

If you do not however own the family home jointly with your partner, it instead being legally owned by your partner, you may be able to to make an application under the Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996, the burden will be on your to establish that there was a “common intention” that you should have a “beneficial interest” in the property and that you relied upon that common intention to your prejudice. This area of law is complex and it can be expensive to pursue a claim.

Child Maintenance

For couples with children the person caring for the children can make an application to the Child Maintenance Service for child maintenance. This maintenance is however only for the children, most people are surprised at the low level of maintenance required and it is not intended to provide for the carer. It is possible in some cases to seek further financial support for children under Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989 depending on the wealth of your partner and if you think this may apply to your matter you should seek legal advice as you may be entitled to remain in the family home and receive periodical payments including a carer’s allowance.

Further disputes about money and assets are most likely to be considered a contractual dispute and would be dealt with under civil rather than matrimonial law.

What Should Cohabiting Couples Do?

Talk about your finances and what you will do if your relationship ends. If you do not intend to get married or enter into a civil partnership consider entering into a cohabitation agreement. I know it is not romantic, however many of the day to day practicalities of living with someone aren’t and your relationship may benefit from some advance planning on how you intend to handle the day to day responsibilities of living together. You can set out your intentions, who will pay for what, who will buy what and what the plan is if you were to have a baby. You can also set out a plan to set out how you would divide up your finances should your relationship end. A little legal advice and planning at an early stage could save a lot of stress, anxiety, time and legal costs if your relationship ends.

Pensions are also a crucial consideration. Unlike married couples who usually automatically benefit under their spouses bill, partners will need to be nominated in order to be eligible for any death in service benefits.

Lastly, it is really important that you have an up to date will. If you aren’t married and your partner doesn’t have a will you have no rights to their estate. There may be some protection offered under the Inheritance Act (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975, but that will be dependent on your circumstances and will require an application to the court. It will be much more straightforward if there is a valid will in place making appropriate provision.