Parental Alienation – What If My Child Or Ex-Partner Makes A False Allegation Against Me?

Historically, professionals tended to automatically believe any allegations made by children which puts the victims of parental alienation at risk of domestic abuse and child abuse allegations.  In many situations where a child makes an allegation the police and social services become involved, simply their involvement and ongoing investigations appearing to give credibility to the false allegations and often resulting in long periods where no contact takes place which further entrenches the alienation. Simply the existence of an allegation can result in the accused being subject to bail conditions along with family court injunctions which prevent them having any contact with their children.  It is therefore  crucial that you seek early advice from a solicitor experienced in both family and criminal investigations.  Fortunately it is becoming more and more recognised that children can and are sometimes manipulated by their parents which enables those allegations to be challenged.

Simultaneous Family Proceedings And Criminal Investigations

Where serious allegations are made against the non-resident parent about their child this will most likely result in not only family court proceedings but also a police investigation.  An allegation can be made by a child, another parent or a third party.  In this case it is crucial that you speak to a solicitor with experience of both family and criminal proceedings without delay.  Investigations by children’s services and the police will take time, it is not uncommon for a parent to be left in limbo for many months waiting for decisions to be made by the police and CPS in relation to whether to charge that parent with an offence.  In the meantime it is likely their contact with their child  will be suspended or severely restricted which is likely to damage their relationship in the long term.  

Will There Be A Fact Finding?

Where a child or third party has made serious allegations against a parent which have resulted in a criminal investigation, it is likely that a “fact-finding hearing” in the family court will be necessary. It is not necessary to wait to the conclusion of a criminal investigation for this issue to be addressed in the family court.

Where there is a parallel criminal investigation and a family fact-finding hearing is necessary, disclosure will take place between the police investigation and family proceedings.  This can assist the family proceedings as the police may have material which the parties do not have in their possession, such as records relating to previous police involvement with the family, previous allegations or investigations by the police or social services which may have resulted in no action being taken.  

A judgment made by the Judge at the conclusion of a fact finding hearing  which exonerates a parent who has faced allegations can be provided to the police or CPS which will be taken into consideration when they are reviewing whether to prosecute a matter. 

Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you. 

What Can The Court Do About Parental Alienation?

What can the Court do about Parental Alienation?

The starting point for the family court is that a child should be allowed to have a loving relationship with both parents and that is almost always in the best interests of the child. Only in exceptional circumstances should contact with a parent be terminated.  As far as it is possible, family law judges are required to promote positive contact between parents and children and stopping contact will only ever be a last resort.

If contact between a child and a parent has been stopped without good reason, the court will want to resolve the matter and find out what has happened with a view to restarting contact because research has shown there can be lasting emotional and psychological harm to children who are the subject of parental alienation.

Each case of parental alienation is different, the court will look at the unique  circumstances of the individual child when deciding how best to deal with the matter.  The courts usually place some weight upon the wishes and feeling of the child involved in the family law proceedings.  The level of weight usually corresponds with the child’s age and ability to engage in the process.  This is often a real concern for alienated parents who are worried that the family judge will refuse contact because of the wishes of the alienated child.

What Orders can the Family Court make?

The family court has extensive powers, what is suitable will depend on the circumstances of the individual case.

The orders the court can make include:

  • Order for contact.
  • Attaching a penal notice to a child arrangement order warning a parent that they may be fined or sent to prison if they do not comply.
  • Change the child’s primary residence from one parent to the other.
  • Involve the local authority which may lead to care proceedings.
  • Order that the child be separately or independently represented in the court proceedings.
  • Order an expert assessment by a social worker, psychiatrist or psychologist.
  • Request that therapeutic work take place for either or both of the parents, the child or the whole family.
  • Send a non-compliant parent to prison.

Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you. 

What Should I Do About Parental Alienation?

If you have concerns that your child is the victim of parental alienation you should seek legal advice from a solicitor with experience in this area as soon as you can.  It is important that steps are taken to identify any concerning behaviour as soon as possible in order to minimise the damage to the parental child relationship.  If parental alienation is allowed to continue unchallenged, it can result in a complete breakdown of the relationship which may mean that the alienated parent may no longer play a role in their child’s life.

How the behaviour is dealt with needs to be addressed carefully, often when the topic of alienation is raised it can cause the alienating parent’s position to become more entrenched.  If a child feels that they are being forced into a relationship against their will this can escalate the problem, confirming to them that the relationship is negative. It is important that careful consideration is given as to how to deal with the concerns to avoid escalating the situation. 

It  is important to remember that just because your child shows some behaviour typical of alienation, this does not automatically mean it is because they have been or are being alienated.  Children are fickle and emotionally immature at the best of times.  Dealing with their parents’ separation is difficult, they will be stubborn and behave in challenging and unpleasant ways.  It is normal for children to play parents off against one another,  they will at times choose a favourite parent and will of course express their own views about what they want to do and where they want to be. 

How you and the other parent deal with these issues is key to finding a path to effective co-parenting. Relationship breakdowns are difficult for all involved, and a great deal of effort is required from all adults involved from the outset to successfully get contact arrangements underway.  If your child is expressing a reluctance to separate from one parent to spend time with another, the reasons for this should be explored and support put in place to support your child addressing any worries they have.  If you are told by the other parent that the children don’t want to spend time with you as you would like, first try and find out why and discuss any concerns that are raised. It may be that some small steps and adjustments could alleviate some concerns so that contact arrangements can get underway and start moving forward.  Be cautious about raising an allegation of “parental alienation” with the other parent, it is extremely unlikely they will accept this is the case, rather they will feel that you are calling them a bad parent and this is more likely to entrench their position.

If you are being told your child doesn’t want to spend the night at your new home, then you kicking up a fuss and demanding that  they come for a whole weekend is unlikely to resolve the problem and can potentially mean that you miss out on spending any time with your child.  The initial period following separation is disruptive and full of anxiety for the whole family.  You need to think flexibly, particularly during the early stages to get arrangements underway.    Whilst everyone adjusts, your child may find shorter, more regular periods of time with you easier than the prospect of a long period of time away from the other parent, particularly if the other parent has been their main carer.  Be creative and flexible with the arrangements, there will be a period of adjustment for everyone.  Do not feel that if you are seeking a 50:50 shared care arrangement that you must put this in place  immediately, that is often an  unrealistic goal.  Whilst you can make your long-term objective clear to the other parent, it is crucial that the children (and parents)  are given time to adjust to all the changes that are taking place within their family. If there is a dispute about the child arrangements this can be dealt with by the family court, however this will take some time to resolve.  In the meantime it is best to ensure you have a positive relationship with your child, that you see them regularly and enjoy your time together even if it is not on the terms that you would ideally have in place. 

It may be however that your situation is already incredibly  difficult, that the time for flexibility and discussions has long passed and that you are actively being prevented from having a relationship with your child. In that case it is crucial that you seek advice from a solicitor who is experienced in parental alienation as it is likely that an application to the Court for a Child Arrangement Order will be necessary.  Your solicitor will be able to confirm whether in their professional opinion your child is being exposed to alienating behaviours and guidance as to how this should be addressed. I will deal with what action the Court can take in my next blog.

Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you. 

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a controversial subject.  There is no official legal definition of parental alienation and the idea is often dismissed by professionals.  However, it is not uncommon for a parent to feel that their ex is not supportive of their ongoing relationship with their child. If you are alienated parent you are likely to feel that your child has been “turned against you”. Parental alienation is the concept of a child rejecting a parent with whom they previously had a positive relationship. This happens through no fault of that parent or the child and seemingly without any good reason.

Cafcass definition of Parental Alienation:

Cafcass defines parental alienation as follows:

“When a child’s resistance or hostility towards one parent is not justified and is the result of psychological manipulation by the other parent”

Alienation can happen unintentionally and is therefore not a straightforward issue to address.  In some cases one parent may try to intentionally exclude or alienate the other parent from their child’s life. This could be as part of a vendetta or to seek revenge. It is common for the alienation to be unconscious or unintentional. The alienating parent often does not recognise their behaviour and will deny it.  There are many reasons alienation can happen. For example, the alienating parent may be struggling with their own relationship with their ex which is preventing them from being able to support their children’s relationship with that parent. Alternatively, the alienator may feel they are doing the best for their child, by protecting them or promoting their wishes and feelings. 

What are the Signs of Parental Alienation:

There are many signs of alienation, the obvious one is the other parent refusing to let you see your child. There are however other indicators and you should bear in mind that it alienation can be a gradual process.

Parental Alienation: Things to look out for:

  • The other parent agreeing on the face of it for regular contact to take place, but then placing unreasonable conditions on the arrangements which makes it impossible for it to go ahead.
  • The other parent taking extreme control in relation to the contact arrangements. They dictate where you can spend time with your child, what you can do, what your child eats and drinks etc.  The other parent may insist on always being present.
  • Your child always seeming to have other things scheduled that they need to do which clash with your contact meaning it can’t go ahead. 
  • The other parent not sharing information with you about your child.  They may refuse to pass on news about what your child has been doing, new likes and dislikes, what to get them for birthdays or Christmas etc.  
  • The other parent is not encouraging and supporting your child to spend time with you. 
  • The other parent makes negative comments about you to the child or when the child can overhear. They may make the child feel that you do not care about them and do not want to spend time with them.
  • The child is made to feel guilty when they spend time with you. Your child may not want to bring items back to their other home or not want to share positive stories with the other parent about what you have done together. 
  • Your child is becoming withdrawn from you, they are distant and no longer share with you.  
  • Your child expresses a reluctance to see you or refuses to see you without a clear reason.
  • Your child is making unfounded allegations against you.
  • Your child has a black and white view of their parents, one is good, the other is bad.

Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you. 

Parenting Plans

What is a Parenting Plan and do I need one?

Separation and divorce are a difficult experience for the whole family and it is crucial  for parents to prioritise any children involved.  For most families, parents will want to ensure that despite the big family changes you are all experiencing, your children continue to know they are loved and that they can spend consistent quality time with both their parents and extended families. 

The best way to achieve stability for the children is to agree a Parenting Plan with the other parent.  Whilst the end of a relationship is traumatic and it is likely both parents are feeling hurt, it is still your responsibility as parents to make arrangements for your children.  It is you, the parents who know your children best and it is crucial to try and set aside disputes about who is to blame for the end of the relationship, financial difficulties and worries about the future and focus on ensuring your children enjoy a quality relationship with you both.  

As parents your lives will be forever intertwined through your children.  You can end your relationship but you will still need to raise your children together and particularly when your children are young, you will need to find an effective way to communicate and to effectively co-parent to enable you provide them with the stability and nurture they need to grow and thrive.  Even as your children get older, your lives will remain interconnected with graduations, weddings and possibly grandchildren to enjoy alongside one another one day.  

What is a Parenting Plan?

A Parenting Plan is a written agreement worked out between parents after they separate and it covers the practical issues of co-parenting, providing a framework for discussions and an opportunity to detail the arrangements which suit your own individual children’s needs. 

Is a Parenting Plan legally binding?

A Parenting Plan is not legally binding, it is however possible to make it into a legal document by asking a solicitor to formalise it into a “consent order”.  

Whilst a Parenting Plan does not carry the same status as a court order relating to the children, in the event that at a later stage there was a disagreement which resulted in an application to the court, an agreed parenting plan would be taken into consideration.

How do I make a Parenting Plan?

How you agree a parenting plan will depend on your personal situation.  If you are able to meet face to face to sit down together and chat through the practical arrangements that is great, however that is simply not possible for everyone.  For some people it would be inappropriate to meet up in person, particularly in cases where there has been domestic abuse, or where one individual may feel intimidated by the other. Or, as is often the case, emotions can be too raw at the beginning of the separation process for you to have a constructive conversation about day to day issues.    Involving a professional in the process such as a mediator can be really helpful.  They will be able to facilitate conversations, keeping you focused on the main issues and ensure you both are heard and they can  help you find a way forward.

What should I put in the Parenting Plan?

Each parenting plan should be unique to the family it relates to.  All families are different and as parents you know what your children need best.  I recommend that you use a template as a starting point and edit it to suit your individual needs. I strongly recommend you visit the Cafcass website for further information and a parenting  plan template.

https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/parenting-together/parenting-plan/

When starting to consider your parenting plan, bear in mind that the separation process is not straightforward or quick, it is likely to take many months to disentangle your relationship, to resolve all the financial matters and for both parents to sort out their own long-term living arrangements.  Take the plans for your children one step at a time, focussing first on the immediate short term arrangements, then looking at the medium term and longer term once your family finances and longer term arrangements are in place.  Your plan can and should change as your family adjusts and you find the best way to coparent.

When preparing your parenting plan you need to consider the following

1. Living and Childcare Arrangements

One of the big decisions you will need to make will be whether there will be a main place that the children live and how much time they will spend with each parent.  An agreement is also needed as to how you should share time with the children during the school holidays and for special occasions. Term-time and holiday time may look very different.   Get hold of the school calendar and consult it, it can often come as a shock to a parent who is not so involved in the day to day care as to how much time the children do not spend in school and thought needs to be given as to how this will be shared.  Often special occasions can be a source of conflict, if you find this a sticking point a simple way to deal with them is to alternate them eg. you have your children for Christmas Day this year, next year they will be with the other parent.   

You should also give some thought about the practical arrangements of pickups and dropoffs and how the children’s clothes and belongings will be exchanged. Will separate clothes be kept at each home or will items travel back and forth? Who will wash the school uniforms?  These relatively minor issues can be a source of real difficulty later as one parent grows frustrated with the other.  An early agreement about what is expected can save difficulties later on.  

Your arrangements also need to take into account the children’s usual activities and social lives.  Check that the arrangements enable the children to continue to see their extended family as maintaining those relationships is important and they can be a source of continuity and comfort to the children during the disruption of their parents’ separation.  Don’t be afraid to ask friends and family to help with the arrangements, a grandparent doing a pickup or dropoff for an initial period on behalf of a parent may avoid the potential for parental conflict when emotions are running high during those early days.

2. Money and the Children

Once you have agreed where the children are going to be spending their time on a day to day basis you need to consider how you will both support the children financially. How can you share day to day costs for clothes, school trips, music lessons etc? If financial issues are being resolved as part of the divorce process this can be a tricky issue to address in the early days.  Whilst the long-term financial position is unclear, I suggest you focus on making short term arrangements at this stage putting the conflict about the long-term arrangements to one side and prioritising the children’s immediate needs. 

You should build in annual reviews as your financial positions and children needs change.   You may wish to consult the Child Maintenance Service website to explore how they would calculate child maintenance if an agreement can’t be reached between parents.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service

3. Your Children’s Education

You will need to notify the children’s school about the changes at home.  It is important you update contact details on their records to ensure you both receive communications and updates from the school and the school also know who the first contact is in an emergency.  You will also need to review the contact details held by your GP, dentist etc.  

Take a pause and consider whether there any big decisions required shortly in relation to education as you don’t want to forget closing dates for any school applications etc. With all the disruption you are currently experiencing it is easy to overlook sending in an application. Even if a school choice is a few years away, if you are in agreement now  it may be worth recording the intention in your parenting plan and who will be responsible for the application to avoid confusion and potential conflict later. 

It is really worth considering  putting in place  some therapy or counselling for your children.  The breakdown of their parents’ relationship is a big change for children and putting extra support in place for them can be really beneficial in the longterm. If your children are upset and distressed this will add significant more stress to your separation.  If possible, try and take this further and consider individual therapy for both parents and  family therapy.  I appreciate that the expense for counsellors and therapists comes at a time when family finances are likely to be stretched, however, it will benefit you all if your family finds a way to get through the separation process in as positive way as possible and able to communicate effectively about your feelings and wishes going forward.  

4. Communication

Particularly in the early days of separation, it is sensible to set out ground rules about communication. Emotions are raw and discussions about child arrangements can quickly turn into arguments about finances and the separation which are best avoided.

With the exception of emergency situations, at least to begin with, contact should be strictly limited to what is necessary and take place via email where possible.  Keep communication about the children to just that topic, don’t allow yourself to stray in to finances, your relationship etc, deal with that separately.  You need to put clear boundaries in place so that you can communicate about the children effectively and with time this will become easier. My preference for email is that I find people tend to think more carefully when writing an email than when firing off What’s App and text messages.

Define what constitutes an emergency and ensure you answer your phone when the other parent calls with an emergency.  Some discussion on this topic helps set expectations, do you expect a call if the child has a fever, a doctors appointment?  Understanding what the other parent anticipates wants to be informed about will prevent difficulties and misunderstandings later. 

You will need to find an effective way to communicate routinely about the children.  Thankfully there are an array of products to assist such as handover books and apps.  These are really worth investing in, particularly in the early days until things settle into a routine and you find your own way forward.

5. Other issues

There will be an array of matters to consider which will be unique to your family which I have not mentioned here such as religious education , medical decisions, boundaries in relation to bed time and school work etc.  I have linked to the Cafcass template above which should help identify things that might crop up but ultimately it is you and the other parent who know what is most important for your children and where decisions and boundaries need to be recorded.  

Running through potential future issues at an early stage before they have arisen can help you discuss matters more objectively.  If you have a professional involved all the better, take advantage of their input and deal with future difficulties early.  One major future issue will be new partners and how and when they will be introduced to children.  It will be easier to discuss this whilst it is  still a hypothetical scenario rather than later when it becomes a reality and a likely emotive topic. 

6. Reviews

Your parenting plan will need to be reviewed regularly as your children and their needs will change with time.  Timetabling a regular review is helpful such as once a year (around the time school calendar comes out is helpful as you can plan the future arrangements around school holidays etc.). In addition to setting out the holiday arrangements for the year, it will give you a chance to discuss any big decisions in relation to the children that are coming up and discuss what is working well or what could improve. If you find meetings or discussions difficult you can continue to make use of a mediator to facilitate this. 

Agreeing a Parenting Plan may initially appear overwhelming but my experience is that setting out clear arrangements for the children early on will benefit the whole family and minimise scope for conflict going forward.  The use of a professional mediator will really be of benefit to help your discussions.  If an agreement can’t be reached and legal proceedings are necessary to obtain a child arrangement order, this will be far more costly, stressful and slow than the initial investment in a mediator. 

Let me know if this has been helpful, DM me and I will do my best to answer any other family law questions you have.

Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you. 

Who can register a baby’s birth?

Following the birth of a baby, there is a lot of admin involved!

Whilst your main focus is caring for this new little person, you are legally required to register your baby’s birth within 42 days of the birth at the local registry office. The requirements for registering a birth and how the parents acquire parental responsibility differs depending on the status of their relationship and their sex, so I have gone into this in some detail below.

Parental responsibility is really important. Whilst the birth mother automatically has parental responsibility from the birth, it is the second parent who must ensure that they are properly registered.If you want to be recognised as your child’s parent it is crucial you ensure that you acquire parental responsibility and if you have any doubts get legal advice so that this is done properly.

Same-sex female couples

Female couples can include both their names on a child’s birth certificate when registering the birth and can therefore both have parental responsibility.

Same-sex females who are married or in a civil partnership

Either parent can register the birth on their own if both of the following are true:

  • the mother has a child by donor insemination or fertility treatment; and
  • she was married or in a civil partnership at the time of the treatment.

They will both have parental responsibility in this scenario.

Same-sex females who are unmarried or non-civil partner parents

When a mother is not married or in a civil partnership, her partner can be seen as the child’s second parent if both women:

  • are treated together in the UK by a licensed clinic; and
  • have made a “parenthood agreement”

However, for both parents’ details to be recorded on the birth certificate they must do one of the following:

  • register the birth jointly; or
  • complete a “statutory declaration of acknowledgement of parentage form” and one parent takes the signed form when she registers the birth; or
  • get a court order giving the second female parent parental responsibility and one parent shows that order when she registers the birth.

There is a link to the “statutory declaration of acknowledgement of parentage form” below.

Same-sex male couples

Male couples must get a parental order from the court before they can be registered as parents.

There is a link to a “parental order” form below.

Opposite-sex couples

Opposite-sex parents who are married or in a civil partnership

Either parent can register the birth if they were married to each other in a civil partnership together at the time of the birth. Opposite-sex couples and those who are married or in a civil partnership automatically have parental responsibility when the child is born, they don’t need to be on the birth certificate to obtain this.

Opposite-sex parents who are not married or in a civil partnership

The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if:

  • they sign the birth register together (they will both need to be present); or
  • one parent completes a statutory declaration of parentage form and the other takes the signed form to register the birth; or
  • one parent goes to register the birth with a court order giving the father parental responsibility.

It is important that both parents attend the registration, if the mother attends alone the father’s details cannot be registered. It may however be possible to add them on later by registering the birth.

Helpful links:

Statutory declaration of acknowledgement of parentage form:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/statutory-declaration-of-acknowledgement-of-parentage-form

Application to re-register a birth and add the father’s details:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/application-to-re-register-a-childs-birth-and-add-the-natural-fathers-details

Details on how to get a parental order:

https://www.gov.uk/legal-rights-when-using-surrogates-and-donors/become-the-childs-legal-parent

Follow me for more family law advice and DM me if there are any particular topics you would like me to cover and I will do my best to cover them.

Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you.