alienation Archives - Stephanie Dew Law

Parental Alienation, children, separated parents, family law, child arrangements, single mum, single dad, coparenting, family, court, alienation

Parental Alienation – What If My Child Or Ex-Partner Makes A False Allegation Against Me?

Historically, professionals tended to automatically believe any allegations made by children which puts the victims of parental alienation at risk of domestic abuse and child abuse allegations. In many situations where a child makes an allegation the police and social services become involved, simply their involvement and ongoing investigations appearing to give credibility to the false allegations and often resulting in long periods where no contact takes place which further entrenches the alienation. Simply the existence of an allegation can result in the accused being subject to bail conditions along with family court injunctions which prevent them having any contact with their children. It is therefore crucial that you seek early advice from a solicitor experienced in both family and criminal investigations. Fortunately it is becoming more and more recognised that children can and are sometimes manipulated by their parents which enables those allegations to be challenged.

Simultaneous Family Proceedings And Criminal Investigations

Where serious allegations are made against the non-resident parent about their child this will most likely result in not only family court proceedings but also a police investigation. An allegation can be made by a child, another parent or a third party. In this case it is crucial that you speak to a solicitor with experience of both family and criminal proceedings without delay. Investigations by children’s services and the police will take time, it is not uncommon for a parent to be left in limbo for many months waiting for decisions to be made by the police and CPS in relation to whether to charge that parent with an offence. In the meantime it is likely their contact with their child will be suspended or severely restricted which is likely to damage their relationship in the long term.

Will There Be A Fact Finding?

Where a child or third party has made serious allegations against a parent which have resulted in a criminal investigation, it is likely that a “fact-finding hearing” in the family court will be necessary. It is not necessary to wait to the conclusion of a criminal investigation for this issue to be addressed in the family court.

Where there is a parallel criminal investigation and a family fact-finding hearing is necessary, disclosure will take place between the police investigation and family proceedings. This can assist the family proceedings as the police may have material which the parties do not have in their possession, such as records relating to previous police involvement with the family, previous allegations or investigations by the police or social services which may have resulted in no action being taken.

A judgment made by the Judge at the conclusion of a fact finding hearing which exonerates a parent who has faced allegations can be provided to the police or CPS which will be taken into consideration when they are reviewing whether to prosecute a matter.

Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you.

Parental Alienation, children, separated parents, family law, child arrangements, single mum, single dad, coparenting, family, court, alienation

What Can The Court Do About Parental Alienation?

What can the Court do about Parental Alienation?

The starting point for the family court is that a child should be allowed to have a loving relationship with both parents and that is almost always in the best interests of the child. Only in exceptional circumstances should contact with a parent be terminated. As far as it is possible, family law judges are required to promote positive contact between parents and children and stopping contact will only ever be a last resort.

If contact between a child and a parent has been stopped without good reason, the court will want to resolve the matter and find out what has happened with a view to restarting contact because research has shown there can be lasting emotional and psychological harm to children who are the subject of parental alienation.

Each case of parental alienation is different, the court will look at the unique circumstances of the individual child when deciding how best to deal with the matter. The courts usually place some weight upon the wishes and feeling of the child involved in the family law proceedings. The level of weight usually corresponds with the child’s age and ability to engage in the process. This is often a real concern for alienated parents who are worried that the family judge will refuse contact because of the wishes of the alienated child.

What Orders can the Family Court make?

The family court has extensive powers, what is suitable will depend on the circumstances of the individual case.

The orders the court can make include:

Order for contact.
Attaching a penal notice to a child arrangement order warning a parent that they may be fined or sent to prison if they do not comply.
Change the child’s primary residence from one parent to the other.
Involve the local authority which may lead to care proceedings.
Order that the child be separately or independently represented in the court proceedings.
Order an expert assessment by a social worker, psychiatrist or psychologist.
Request that therapeutic work take place for either or both of the parents, the child or the whole family.
Send a non-compliant parent to prison.

Parental Alienation, children, separated parents, family law, child arrangements, single mum, single dad, coparenting, family, court, alienation

What Should I Do About Parental Alienation?

If you have concerns that your child is the victim of parental alienation you should seek legal advice from a solicitor with experience in this area as soon as you can. It is important that steps are taken to identify any concerning behaviour as soon as possible in order to minimise the damage to the parental child relationship. If parental alienation is allowed to continue unchallenged, it can result in a complete breakdown of the relationship which may mean that the alienated parent may no longer play a role in their child’s life.

How the behaviour is dealt with needs to be addressed carefully, often when the topic of alienation is raised it can cause the alienating parent’s position to become more entrenched. If a child feels that they are being forced into a relationship against their will this can escalate the problem, confirming to them that the relationship is negative. It is important that careful consideration is given as to how to deal with the concerns to avoid escalating the situation.

It is important to remember that just because your child shows some behaviour typical of alienation, this does not automatically mean it is because they have been or are being alienated. Children are fickle and emotionally immature at the best of times. Dealing with their parents’ separation is difficult, they will be stubborn and behave in challenging and unpleasant ways. It is normal for children to play parents off against one another, they will at times choose a favourite parent and will of course express their own views about what they want to do and where they want to be.

How you and the other parent deal with these issues is key to finding a path to effective co-parenting. Relationship breakdowns are difficult for all involved, and a great deal of effort is required from all adults involved from the outset to successfully get contact arrangements underway. If your child is expressing a reluctance to separate from one parent to spend time with another, the reasons for this should be explored and support put in place to support your child addressing any worries they have. If you are told by the other parent that the children don’t want to spend time with you as you would like, first try and find out why and discuss any concerns that are raised. It may be that some small steps and adjustments could alleviate some concerns so that contact arrangements can get underway and start moving forward. Be cautious about raising an allegation of “parental alienation” with the other parent, it is extremely unlikely they will accept this is the case, rather they will feel that you are calling them a bad parent and this is more likely to entrench their position.

If you are being told your child doesn’t want to spend the night at your new home, then you kicking up a fuss and demanding that they come for a whole weekend is unlikely to resolve the problem and can potentially mean that you miss out on spending any time with your child. The initial period following separation is disruptive and full of anxiety for the whole family. You need to think flexibly, particularly during the early stages to get arrangements underway. Whilst everyone adjusts, your child may find shorter, more regular periods of time with you easier than the prospect of a long period of time away from the other parent, particularly if the other parent has been their main carer. Be creative and flexible with the arrangements, there will be a period of adjustment for everyone. Do not feel that if you are seeking a 50:50 shared care arrangement that you must put this in place immediately, that is often an unrealistic goal. Whilst you can make your long-term objective clear to the other parent, it is crucial that the children (and parents) are given time to adjust to all the changes that are taking place within their family. If there is a dispute about the child arrangements this can be dealt with by the family court, however this will take some time to resolve. In the meantime it is best to ensure you have a positive relationship with your child, that you see them regularly and enjoy your time together even if it is not on the terms that you would ideally have in place.

It may be however that your situation is already incredibly difficult, that the time for flexibility and discussions has long passed and that you are actively being prevented from having a relationship with your child. In that case it is crucial that you seek advice from a solicitor who is experienced in parental alienation as it is likely that an application to the Court for a Child Arrangement Order will be necessary. Your solicitor will be able to confirm whether in their professional opinion your child is being exposed to alienating behaviours and guidance as to how this should be addressed. I will deal with what action the Court can take in my next blog.

Parental Alienation, children, separated parents, family law, child arrangements, single mum, single dad, coparenting, family, court, alienation

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a controversial subject. There is no official legal definition of parental alienation and the idea is often dismissed by professionals. However, it is not uncommon for a parent to feel that their ex is not supportive of their ongoing relationship with their child. If you are alienated parent you are likely to feel that your child has been “turned against you”. Parental alienation is the concept of a child rejecting a parent with whom they previously had a positive relationship. This happens through no fault of that parent or the child and seemingly without any good reason.

Cafcass definition of Parental Alienation:

Cafcass defines parental alienation as follows:

“When a child’s resistance or hostility towards one parent is not justified and is the result of psychological manipulation by the other parent”

Alienation can happen unintentionally and is therefore not a straightforward issue to address. In some cases one parent may try to intentionally exclude or alienate the other parent from their child’s life. This could be as part of a vendetta or to seek revenge. It is common for the alienation to be unconscious or unintentional. The alienating parent often does not recognise their behaviour and will deny it. There are many reasons alienation can happen. For example, the alienating parent may be struggling with their own relationship with their ex which is preventing them from being able to support their children’s relationship with that parent. Alternatively, the alienator may feel they are doing the best for their child, by protecting them or promoting their wishes and feelings.

What are the Signs of Parental Alienation:

There are many signs of alienation, the obvious one is the other parent refusing to let you see your child. There are however other indicators and you should bear in mind that it alienation can be a gradual process.

Parental Alienation: Things to look out for:

The other parent agreeing on the face of it for regular contact to take place, but then placing unreasonable conditions on the arrangements which makes it impossible for it to go ahead.
The other parent taking extreme control in relation to the contact arrangements. They dictate where you can spend time with your child, what you can do, what your child eats and drinks etc. The other parent may insist on always being present.
Your child always seeming to have other things scheduled that they need to do which clash with your contact meaning it can’t go ahead.
The other parent not sharing information with you about your child. They may refuse to pass on news about what your child has been doing, new likes and dislikes, what to get them for birthdays or Christmas etc.
The other parent is not encouraging and supporting your child to spend time with you.
The other parent makes negative comments about you to the child or when the child can overhear. They may make the child feel that you do not care about them and do not want to spend time with them.
The child is made to feel guilty when they spend time with you. Your child may not want to bring items back to their other home or not want to share positive stories with the other parent about what you have done together.
Your child is becoming withdrawn from you, they are distant and no longer share with you.
Your child expresses a reluctance to see you or refuses to see you without a clear reason.
Your child is making unfounded allegations against you.
Your child has a black and white view of their parents, one is good, the other is bad.

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Can My Ex-Partner Stop Me From Seeing My Child?

It is so common to see children being used as weapons when relationships breakdown with one parent preventing the other from seeing a child. I have worked with many parents who have been stopped from seeing a child for extend periods of time by an ex partner, sometimes due to genuine concerns and on other occasions due to malicious and false allegations.

What should I do if I am prevented from seeing my child?

If there is no court order in place setting out the child arrangements, you should attempt the following:

Discuss the problem with your ex-partner and try and resolve it without confrontation. Is there a mutual friend or family member that could assist? (If there is a non-molestation order in place this will not be appropriate).
Consult a family solicitor who can advise you on next steps and write to your ex-partner to set out your concerns and proposals;
Refer the matter to a mediator who could assist resolving the situation with your ex-partner;
Apply to the court for a child arrangement order. (More on this below).

If there is already a court order in place an application can be made to the court to enforce it.

When can contact with my child be stopped?

Legally your ex partner cannot stop you from seeing your child unless access will be of detriment to your child’s welfare, safety and welfare concerns include things like criminal activity, domestic abuse, drug/alcohol misuse or other inappropriate behaviour that puts your child at risk.

However, until a court order is in place to determine what the child arrangements are for the children it is up to parents to agree the arrangements. Where child arrangements cannot be agreed, particularly where children are not able to see a parent at all, an application should be made to the Court without delay.

If a parent is stopping contact with you because of alleged welfare concerns they can seek a child arrangement order which confirms the child lives with them and doesn’t have contact with you. An urgent application can be made to the court without you being there to respond if the parent applying believes there is an immediate danger to the child. This is known as a “without notice order”. The parent making allegations will need to provide evidence to the court to support their case, this may include information from the police, social services, medical professionals or witness statements from third parties.

If you find yourself subject to a “without notice” hearing, do not panic, there will always be a second hearing in the court a few days later which you can attend and defend the allegations made in your absence and present your own views to the court.

A parent who stops contact may not make an application to the court. If that is the case,

you should make an application for a child arrangement order to have contact with your child straight away as it may take some time for the court to hear your case and any delay means further time you may not be able to see your child.

Do I have a right to see my child?

It is important to bear in mind that a parent doesn’t actually have a “right” to see their child. Parental responsibility gives you legal rights and responsibilities but no right to contact. The law in relation to child arrangements is entirely based on the child’s welfare and therefore decisions the court makes about child arrangements are based on the benefit to the child from seeing you, not because it will improve your quality of life as a parent. However, there is a legal presumption that the continued involved of both parents in a child’s life will best promote that child’s welfare, therefore in the absence of any safeguarding concerns, the court actively encourages a relationship between a child and both of their parents.

Can I make an application for an order if I don’t have parental responsibility?

As a parent, even if you don’t have parental responsibility you can still apply to the court for a child arrangement order. The court should consider whether it is appropriate to make a parental responsibility order when dealing with the other orders.

What will the court consider?

When making decisions in relation to your child and the appropriate arrangements the welfare of your child is the only thing the court will consider. It may be necessary in a case where allegations regarding the child’s safety and welfare have been made for the court to consider these fully before it can move on to the welfare questions. For example, if an allegation has been made that contact is not safe to take place because it is alleged that you have assaulted your ex-partner or child, the court will need to make a determination as to whether this happened, that is make a “finding” in relation to these contested issues before it can decide if and how contact can take place. Sometimes it is necessary for a “fact finding” hearing to take place during the first stage of the case and it is those “findings” which will determine how the court will make future decisions about your child.

It is important to note that legal proceedings are likely to take some time and involve a number of hearings, so you need to be prepared for a number of court attendances during the process.

What the court must take into account when considering your child’s welfare is set out in the “welfare checklist” and includes the following:

The wishes and feelings of the child concerned (in light of their age and understanding);
The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs;
The effect a change of circumstances may have upon them;
Age, sex, background and any characteristics which the court considers relevant;
Any harm that the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering;
How capable the parents are of meeting the child’s needs.

What sort of order can the court make?

The child arrangements contained in the order vary in each case and the requirements will be set out specifically for your family. It should include where your child lives and how often they spend time with the other parent. (These used to be called residence and contact orders). In addition the child arrangement order, can include the following:

arrangements for indirect contact which would include things like telephone calls or video calls;
specific details such as where, when and how handover take place;
an agreement not to speak badly of each other in front of the children;
arrangements for holidays and trips abroad;
who is responsible for keeping and renewing the child’s passport;
how the parents are to contact each other in an emergency situation;
how the parents will keep each other informed and updated in relation to the child.

What is included in the order really depends on your individual circumstances and ability to communicate with each other. My preference is to have the least draconian order as possible in order to allow flexibility and variation when needed, however this is not suitable in particularly acrimonious cases. Where there is a history of really difficulties a more prescriptive order can assist with keeping the arrangements on track.

If you found this blog helpful please let me know.

If you have any family law issues you would like me to address in a blog please feel free to contact me.