If you have concerns that your child is the victim of parental alienation you should seek legal advice from a solicitor with experience in this area as soon as you can. It is important that steps are taken to identify any concerning behaviour as soon as possible in order to minimise the damage to the parental child relationship. If parental alienation is allowed to continue unchallenged, it can result in a complete breakdown of the relationship which may mean that the alienated parent may no longer play a role in their child’s life.
How the behaviour is dealt with needs to be addressed carefully, often when the topic of alienation is raised it can cause the alienating parent’s position to become more entrenched. If a child feels that they are being forced into a relationship against their will this can escalate the problem, confirming to them that the relationship is negative. It is important that careful consideration is given as to how to deal with the concerns to avoid escalating the situation.
It is important to remember that just because your child shows some behaviour typical of alienation, this does not automatically mean it is because they have been or are being alienated. Children are fickle and emotionally immature at the best of times. Dealing with their parents’ separation is difficult, they will be stubborn and behave in challenging and unpleasant ways. It is normal for children to play parents off against one another, they will at times choose a favourite parent and will of course express their own views about what they want to do and where they want to be.
How you and the other parent deal with these issues is key to finding a path to effective co-parenting. Relationship breakdowns are difficult for all involved, and a great deal of effort is required from all adults involved from the outset to successfully get contact arrangements underway. If your child is expressing a reluctance to separate from one parent to spend time with another, the reasons for this should be explored and support put in place to support your child addressing any worries they have. If you are told by the other parent that the children don’t want to spend time with you as you would like, first try and find out why and discuss any concerns that are raised. It may be that some small steps and adjustments could alleviate some concerns so that contact arrangements can get underway and start moving forward. Be cautious about raising an allegation of “parental alienation” with the other parent, it is extremely unlikely they will accept this is the case, rather they will feel that you are calling them a bad parent and this is more likely to entrench their position.
If you are being told your child doesn’t want to spend the night at your new home, then you kicking up a fuss and demanding that they come for a whole weekend is unlikely to resolve the problem and can potentially mean that you miss out on spending any time with your child. The initial period following separation is disruptive and full of anxiety for the whole family. You need to think flexibly, particularly during the early stages to get arrangements underway. Whilst everyone adjusts, your child may find shorter, more regular periods of time with you easier than the prospect of a long period of time away from the other parent, particularly if the other parent has been their main carer. Be creative and flexible with the arrangements, there will be a period of adjustment for everyone. Do not feel that if you are seeking a 50:50 shared care arrangement that you must put this in place immediately, that is often an unrealistic goal. Whilst you can make your long-term objective clear to the other parent, it is crucial that the children (and parents) are given time to adjust to all the changes that are taking place within their family. If there is a dispute about the child arrangements this can be dealt with by the family court, however this will take some time to resolve. In the meantime it is best to ensure you have a positive relationship with your child, that you see them regularly and enjoy your time together even if it is not on the terms that you would ideally have in place.
It may be however that your situation is already incredibly difficult, that the time for flexibility and discussions has long passed and that you are actively being prevented from having a relationship with your child. In that case it is crucial that you seek advice from a solicitor who is experienced in parental alienation as it is likely that an application to the Court for a Child Arrangement Order will be necessary. Your solicitor will be able to confirm whether in their professional opinion your child is being exposed to alienating behaviours and guidance as to how this should be addressed. I will deal with what action the Court can take in my next blog.
Choosing the right solicitor for your matter is crucial and we therefore offer a free initial consultation so that you can find out more about our services and decide whether we are the right fit for you.
