Parental alienation is a controversial subject. There is no official legal definition of parental alienation and the idea is often dismissed by professionals. However, it is not uncommon for a parent to feel that their ex is not supportive of their ongoing relationship with their child. If you are alienated parent you are likely to feel that your child has been “turned against you”. Parental alienation is the concept of a child rejecting a parent with whom they previously had a positive relationship. This happens through no fault of that parent or the child and seemingly without any good reason.
Cafcass definition of Parental Alienation:
Cafcass defines parental alienation as follows:
“When a child’s resistance or hostility towards one parent is not justified and is the result of psychological manipulation by the other parent”
Alienation can happen unintentionally and is therefore not a straightforward issue to address. In some cases one parent may try to intentionally exclude or alienate the other parent from their child’s life. This could be as part of a vendetta or to seek revenge. It is common for the alienation to be unconscious or unintentional. The alienating parent often does not recognise their behaviour and will deny it. There are many reasons alienation can happen. For example, the alienating parent may be struggling with their own relationship with their ex which is preventing them from being able to support their children’s relationship with that parent. Alternatively, the alienator may feel they are doing the best for their child, by protecting them or promoting their wishes and feelings.
What are the Signs of Parental Alienation:
There are many signs of alienation, the obvious one is the other parent refusing to let you see your child. There are however other indicators and you should bear in mind that it alienation can be a gradual process.
Parental Alienation: Things to look out for:
- The other parent agreeing on the face of it for regular contact to take place, but then placing unreasonable conditions on the arrangements which makes it impossible for it to go ahead.
- The other parent taking extreme control in relation to the contact arrangements. They dictate where you can spend time with your child, what you can do, what your child eats and drinks etc. The other parent may insist on always being present.
- Your child always seeming to have other things scheduled that they need to do which clash with your contact meaning it can’t go ahead.
- The other parent not sharing information with you about your child. They may refuse to pass on news about what your child has been doing, new likes and dislikes, what to get them for birthdays or Christmas etc.
- The other parent is not encouraging and supporting your child to spend time with you.
- The other parent makes negative comments about you to the child or when the child can overhear. They may make the child feel that you do not care about them and do not want to spend time with them.
- The child is made to feel guilty when they spend time with you. Your child may not want to bring items back to their other home or not want to share positive stories with the other parent about what you have done together.
- Your child is becoming withdrawn from you, they are distant and no longer share with you.
- Your child expresses a reluctance to see you or refuses to see you without a clear reason.
- Your child is making unfounded allegations against you.
- Your child has a black and white view of their parents, one is good, the other is bad.
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